Love is Simple and Beautiful

I am not the most romantic of men.  I’m trying though and anyway I figured I had my sense of humor to fall back on. At least I once thought myself to be funny, witty and that was why my wife loved me. In a recent poll on another blog I found out different. When she was asked about how I did on the humor scale I came out below the middle. This of course surprised me.

My mate told me I was a pretty serious guy most of the time and that was OK, but I was not all that funny.

Well, isn’t that just like someone you love to tell you the truth. So I’m working on being more intentionally humorous. I need to lighten up and since I know it now, I can work on it. The great thing is she loves me even though I’m not as funny as I thought I was. So if I increase the humor it just gets better; right?

She’s asleep beside me as I write this short post and every now and then she makes a Little sleep noise. I have listened to her in her sleep for over 25 years and still love her and the little noises. At times she has dreams that cause her to jump or breathe a little faster. That’s when I gently wake her and tell her it’s all right, I’m right here and she’s just dreaming. I know this is simple thing, yet for me these simple things are what love is all about. 

The movies tend to portray love as all passion and fierce encounters. Sure, when you’re young that’s part of it. But lasting love has to be built on a more solid foundation that just passion. You really have to like your partner, want to care for your partner and you have to enjoy the simple pleasure of just being with them. If you have that then your love is truly simple and beautiful. It doesn’t get any better than that. 

Don’t be afraid to say you’re sorry.

You just have to mean it. Simple sincerity is the key and nothing else is necessary.

Of course a little humor doesn’t hurt as long as you’re making fun of yourself. Most people will, when apologized to and made to understand your contriteness of spirit and willingness to make it up, accept an apology for some wrong you may have done them.

The severity of the incident and the time it will take to get over it make a big difference too. Sometimes in the blogging world that severity is not too bad and the time necessary to forgive and start to forget is negligible.

I know this because I involved myself in a situation recently that saw me on the wrong side of an argument or at least let’s call it a disagreement. In this case my feelings got hurt over what I considered a slight and an inference that my writing was less than ethical. I am not near the hot head I was 10 or 20 years ago, but I will still heat up quickly if I think I’m being treated rudely, unfairly or talked down to in any way.

My response in this case was to get on my high horse, fire off a retaliatory e-mail, making my case and standing on my principles. Then I wrote a blog post condemning the other party for being snobby and self -righteous. The next thing that happened was the issue became moot and my making a potential enemy of someone who I both respected and needed as a friend on the web made me seem a complete fool.

I immediately wrote an apology and even mentioned I would be eating a little crow that evening. What else could I dol? In this case I  had been just about totally wrong and had jeopardized something far more important for a principle that never even came into play! Does it get much dumber than that? Probably not, he answers to himself.

So I have done my best to make amends and that always starts with sincerely being sorry and then letting the other party or parties know that. Men especially seem to have this problem with their wives, girlfriends and female co-workers. We need to get over it guys. Nothing is more useless that bad feelings caused by the inability to recognize when you’re in the wrong. It may be unpleasant and an ego stomper sometimes, but usually that’s just what’s called for.

At times a good swift kick in the proverbial butt is what it takes to make us see clearly. Right after that should come a very sincere and heartfelt apology. Sometimes you will  find yourself thanking the other person for keeping you from making an even bigger mistake.

This has been one of those days for me. I’m happy to say I’m still not too old to learn a needed lesson when put before me like today. I just hope I can remember this one well enough to not repeat it any time soon. There is a whole world of other things I can do wrong if need be and of course the glorious opportunity to do a few things right as well.

RT

Speaking from the heart

A  few years ago, when still at work in a turnaround endeavor, I was sent to a school. This school was a “bootcamp for the brain.” The name of the company that does this training is Rapport Leadership International. The course was “Leadership Breakthrough 1″ and I came back a different person, a better workmate, and it helped me become less bitter and angry about how screwed up my company had become.

It’s a good thing too, because I was eventually fired. My boss, (the VP of Sales) was fired and he was the one who hired me. I was looked upon as part of a failed regime and knew my time to be limited. Thanks to him I was recommended for the course (you must be sponsored to attend) and and the company paid the considerable fee. He saw how grouchy I had become and knew Rapport would help my attitude. That it did indeed.

The training takes place in the desert outside of Las Vegas. You arrive there on a bus with your classmates, who you haven’t met yet and don’t know from Adam. In a matter of 2 and 1/2 days you end up knowing some of them better than family members and most of them way better than your co-workers. I will not go into their practices and procedures because I don’t remember the details all that well. What I do retain is the key of the course.

What I learned was how to communicate sincerely, effectively and powerfully. It meant I had to honestly care about the people with whom I worked. It meant dealing with the whole person, but not letting that get in the way of doing our jobs. Just another way of approaching what should have been a common goal. No matter what you call it, if practiced it works.

It made a difference in  my marriage as well; for the better I believe. My wife was able to fold the improved version of me into our existence seamlessly, the way she accomplishes most things.

Now that I’m spending my days writing on the web I am working to bring what I learned to my blogs and all other written communications.

 I read from a very popular blogger on self improvement that he picks his subjects like they would be important to millions and then writes as though he’s talking to a person sitting across from him. I think  this combines speaking sincerely (or in this case writing) and picking material worthy of a large audience.

So for me, the subject of speaking from the heart is worthy of the attention of everyone. Not the kind of hurtful honesty so in vogue today, but the kind that comes from a place of humility, truth and courage. It’s tough to even think this way, much less to speak or write it. Yet speaking from the heart requires you first “think from the heart”. This in return means you must care about the people around you and from that you can learn to express yourself sincerely.

While in Rapport I listened to an Instructor tell about her childhood, her life, and her dreams and aspirations in such a powerful and sincerely passionate way that many cried. I admit to being among those who shed a tear for the words that so obviously came from the heart. Many of us do this in times of anger, hurt, or stress.

At these times we speak the unvarnished truth with a direct connection to our emotions without much filtering. The trick is to be able to express your powerful positive emotions, passion, and dreams in the same way. When you can do this even unwilling listeners  or readers will be moved to action or understanding.

It seems to me that on a blog you can only show your heart by respecting your readers and not being false in your voice. The catch is you must do this intentionally to be effective.

The older I get, the more I realize I actually know less; about anything.  So I make no pretense here of knowing how to do what I’m talking about any better than the next person, only that is an important skill or attribute to have for not only your on-line writing but your day to day communication with family, friends and co-workers.

Look to that place inside you for truth in your motives, actions and words. Take heed of the human needs of others when you interact with them and speak from the heart with power and passion when you can.

RT